Resources
Things Everyone Should Know
- Everyone should be able to communicate what they are interested in, or at least know what some of the options are.
- Everyone should have the resources to understand what they are talking about and what others are talking about.
- Everyone should know about safety and consent.
- Everyone should know how to negotiate for what they want or need.
Interest and Limits List
One of the first steps that nearly everyone needs to make is to go through an interest list and explore what some of the options are in the kinky lifestyle.
The links below are a few versions of some of the most common kinks. Some of them may sound outrageous, and you would never consider them. Others may get you aroused just by reading about them knowing someone else will do those things with you, and others you may have no idea about.
Interest and Limits List Instructions
For each activity there is an opportunity to indicate:
Experienced
- No idea what it is – meaning you need some explanation as to what this means in a kink sense.
- Yes – Yes you have done this activity before
No – No, you have not done this activity before
Hard Limit – Do Not Do This Under Any Circumstance.
Ugh – Not what I really like, but I will do it under the right circumstances.
Curious – This sounds interesting, I would like to maybe try this.
Ok – I like this activity. This can be included in regular play
Major Turn On – Holy great balls of fire, let’s do this a lot!
Interested in being done TO you: Use the same scale as above, but YOU doing the activity TO someone else
Notes and Comments (column Q): This is where you get to ask questions, make comments, give circumstances, etc.
Kink Dictionaries
Definitions: Definitions of what different terms mean and where you can find more information on some of them.
Presentation Slide Decks
contains copywrited martierials
Negotiations: How to negotiate. Links on negotiation skills and resources.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual
Safe
If you do not know how to do something, or your partner is new to doing a particular thing…DON’T DO IT ALONE!
The most common safety issue I see are people who are unskilled or new to BDSM decide to do some edge play. This is like someone who has never climbed try to take on El Capitan. Most often they are injured physically or emotionally.
How to play safely:
Take classes (I offer them).
Learn what you are doing BEFORE you try to do it.
Learn what to look for and how to spot trouble.
Learn what to do in the case of trouble.
Don’t play with someone who doesn’t know what they are doing.
Don’t play with someone you have not established trust with.
Start slowly and progress slowly.
Sane
Do not play with someone with a history of abuse. How do you know? You get to know them BEFORE you ever agree to play.
Do not play with someone who is in an altered state of consciousness.
Consensual
EVERYTHING in kink should be consensual.
This goes to both sides of the slash. When you decide to play with someone, they should do nothing to you, and you should do nothing to them that they do not expressly consent to.
Other Resources
Other useful resources:
Helping Survivors
Our mission is to assist anyone who has been victimized by sexual assault or abuse. Our website is a compilation of information around different instances of sexual violence. We offer resources to assist survivors and their families, and we will continuously be adding more. Sadly, many people don’t know what consent is. Miscommunication is a common reason for sexual abuse.