Here is one of the most common issues with “wanting to try something kinky” — The fear of feeling stupid when doing it. It is like taking an acting class because you want to be an actor and they have you say the most nonsensical things, and when you start out, you feel completely embarrassed because you feel like a buffoon. Practicing these exercises supposedly makes you a better actor.
Example: Benedict Cumberbatch performing “I’m a little Teapot” and demonstrating some of his standard exercises. (It is a commercial for a benefit he is doing, but worth the watch) If you have been living under a rock for the past decade, he is a very accomplished English actor who plays Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Strange, and Smog the dragon in The Hobbit. But if you have been under a rock, you haven’t seen those either. Oh well, he is an accomplished actor.
This is how many people feel when they think of being a Dominant or being a submissive. They feel completely foolish for “acting the part.” The true desire is there, but getting over themselves in order to become the honest expression of who they want to be is often insurmountable.
This ability to push oneself to overcome a barrier is often what keeps people stuck in a job they don’t like, a relationship that they just can’t seem to bring themselves to leaving, or staying at home instead of going out in order to meet new people. I honestly have problems with that last one myself.
It is NOT an easy thing to do. Overcoming a fear that may or may not be based in reality is daunting for anyone. This is one of the things that I would love to help you with. I want you to try out submission in a safe environment where you can end things when you don’t feel safe, and let things move along as much as you are comfortable. If you want someone to push you past that block, just ask, and I will help you. One of the things that makes it easier is to be with someone who knows what they are doing in this area. I would much more likely repeat “Bah bah bah bay bah boo beh bay” if Benedict Cumberbatch was doing the same thing with me. You get to explore that submission with someone who isn’t going to make you feel silly because I have probably already been there.
After you find out that you can get past this hurdle, you can apply the same bravery to tackling other challenges in your life. It can help you grow your confidence in yourself because you CAN do those things that you are afraid of. That confidence can grow in other parts of your life as well.
I think Benedict is a confident actor. There may be something to this.