Preface – Read first

I have been in a power exchange relationship in one form or another for many years (start around 2006 or so) and have been in at least one ever since.  That is not the first time that I realized I was a Lefter. I knew that I wanted to be a dominant since I was a young child. 

I grew up in a very conservative little town in the deep south.  Back in the 1970’s (eek that was a long time ago), growing up Southern Baptist, there was NO exposure to kink or power exchange as I think of it now as an adult.  But there were some cultural references that leaked through to my young mind. Wonder Woman, Batman (think Adam West), Dudley Do-Right, and other fantasy sci-fi references were an innocent part of life.  They were not processed in my brain the same way they were processed in my friends’ brain. Seeing bondage, maidens in distress, or seeing the undertones of maidens in distress and liking it, gave me thoughts that others didn’t seem to have.  I do not come from abuse, or neglect. I have a very loving family, raised primarily by strong women, and have a high respect for them. If I didn’t, my mom would tell me that she was disappointed in me, that would be enough to crush my soul.

My favorite game to play when I was a kid was “kidnap girls.”  I was ashamed of this for years until I discovered kink in my adult years.  There used to be girls that would play “being kidnapped” and I didn’t know it at the time.  I have been told many stories of “I would always play the games where if you got caught, you would be “punished” or tied up.  I would always purposefully lose those games.” So, although I was different than most, I was not alone, but it isn’t something you talk about with other 3rd graders.  

So, to borrow a term, my “radioactive spider bite” wasn’t something that happened to me when I was grown.  I am more like a mutant in that comic genera, I was born this way. Nothing happened to make me into who I am.  

Some have discovered their love for kink as adults.  They had an experience, read a book, saw a move (hopefully not 50 Shades…many reasons why), or something happened that flipped a switch in their minds. 

For those who have had this flipped switch recently, or those who have grown up thinking, “there is something different about me” and haven’t had a way to learn a lot about this lifestyle yet, I hope these writings are more of a walk-in from the shallow end.  Jumping in the deep end first may lead to drowning, or a near drowning experience that scares you off for the rest of your life. Like many things, it is best started slowly and progressing carefully.

I have forgotten where I read this, so if you see it elsewhere, it may have come from there, but one of the important lessons in learning mountain climbing, is to learn it from someone else.  Like mountain climbing this can be rewarding and adventurous, but it also can be dangerous. 

• Don’t go off and start climbing mountains with just anyone who says they are an experienced mountaineer.  Check them out. Find someone who has been through the rough spots, made mistakes, and can tell you what to avoid.  
• If something doesn’t sound right…”Just climb this cliff, you don’t need any ropes, it is only 50 feet or so…remember, falling off a roof of a one story building can kill you, 5 stories most likely will kill you.  Do it safely. 
• Watch the path that the experienced climbers take.  They take those paths for a reason, usually because they or someone they one knew took a different path and it turned out poorly.  Find a guide that has gone further up the mountain than you have.  
• Experience counts in the kink world, just like in mountaineering. I shudder when I see groups young inexperienced kinksters trying to isolate themselves from the more experienced people in a community.  I get that you want to spend time with other people your own age, but that doesn’t mean that the young and inexperienced should be the leaders of how to do things.

These writings are not “how to do things safely.”  It is not a how-to book. If you are looking for a good book on bondage, this isn’t it.  This is a guide to discovery, a little wisdom, and a guide to HOW to think, not WHAT to think.  I hope you enjoy.

In this book, I have introduced two new terms

Lefter and rightie.  I have used them out in the kink world a few times, and some people like the terms, and some do not. 

The kink community as a whole has this idea of how to describe relationships and power exchange models.  They are typically paired, and separated with a slash, such as 

Dominant/submissive, or Master/slave, Daddy/little-girl, Domme/submissive.  We will cover what each of these terms mean later, but the one on the left side of the slash is the one that is the one controls, and the one on the right is the one that surrenders that control.  But in the age of “don’t assume my gender”, or “have respect for my correct role”, I have come up with these terms to be gender neutral and purposefully non-specific about the role so that it can more easily apply to more situations, and hopefully offend fewer. 

Lefter – someone on the “left side of the slash” – The one that holds the control.

rightie – someone who is on the “right side of the slash” in that they are the ones that surrender control to someone else. 

I also try to use gender neutral pronouns wherever I catch them.  Occasionally there are specific examples of people who actually exist, in which case I try to use the proper pronouns for them.  For the most part, I try to avoid pronouns, or use the gender neutral but number incorrect they.